Wednesday, January 7, 2009

Reflecting...It Has Been Eight Years

Today has been a bit of an emotional day for me. Today is the eighth anniversary of my mother's passing. It is very difficult to believe that it has been eight years already. Seems like yesterday, really.

I have reflected on my life as a child growing up at home. I have thought about all of the things my mother has missed since she has been gone. I wonder if the rest of my family is going through the same feelings I am. I reminisce on my mother's life. I try not to think of the things she still wanted to do in her life but didn't get the opportunity to do.

I realize everyone has lost loved ones, and have thoughts they go through. But I wonder, if I, with genealogy being such a big factor in my life, think any deeper or differently about the ones I have lost, compared to the average Joe.

My involvement in genealogy started before my mother passed. I remember the first things I found on the internet that intrigued me, surprised me and excited me. I remember sharing these with my mother and wanting her to share the excitement back. She never really did. The information I had found was regarding my fathers family and not hers. Is that why she wasn't interested? I couldn't image that was true.

I have so many questions for my mother now. Oh how I wish I could talk to her once more. We never heard much about her side of the family. I was lucky I knew my grandparents, and uncle. Beyond that, I don't remember hearing anything about my ggrandparents, or any other family.

I have since found who some of these family members are, and have learned a secret or two regarding her and her family. I look back now and am sure she wasn't happy with me digging into genealogy, only because of what I may find. I have found a couple of those things I am sure she'd rather I didn't know. As an adult, I look at these things as part of life, maybe as a child I would have thought differently. Will I find any more surprises?

My mother was a very private person. I miss that she never shared her heritage with us. Oh sure, we knew what she wanted us to know, but nothing beyond that. I never heard her talk about her grandparents. I wonder, do I talk enough about my grandparents to my kids?

My mother was diagnosed with cancer and given a year to live, she almost made it a year. It was a tough year, for the whole family. I felt, at least I had hoped, that one day she would open up to me, and give me some answers, or at least give me some sort of information that may have been on her mind. I was wrong, and I should have known better. Remember, I told you she was a very private person. So different from me. I don't advertise my life, as you can tell from my blog, but I am definitely more open and sharing than my mother was.

My mother was a great mother. She did the best she knew how, and the way she thought it should be done. Of course as her daughter, I can think of things I didn't agree with or would have handled differently, but isn't that how we learn and decide how we will raise our own children?

My mother was strict. To strict most of the time, but that is my opinion. I think as the younger children grew up, she wasn't as strict with them. I was the eldest, so she was toughest with me. I see now she was that way because she didn't want us to go through things she went through, she thought she was protecting us.

Her children grew up to be fine respectable adults. She (along with my father) did a fine job raising us. There was a method to her madness! ;-)

So many memories...so much she has missed...all we miss from her...eight years..wow, still seems like yesterday. Rest in peace mom. I love you.

Thanks for stopping by!

Wishing you success in all of your genealogical treasure hunts!

Msteri



5 comments:

  1. Such a touching and thought-provoking post. Your memories of your Mom and all that it means to you is a great memorial to her on the Anniversary of her death. Your love for her is very evident.

    By the way, thanks for following my "Food Gratitude" blog. Very few stop by and I have been neglecting it. I need to put in a little more work there. But this genealogy sure keeps me busy.

    Judy

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  2. Greetings Msteri,
    Your post about your mom has me a bit misty eyed. We seem to share a something in common. My mother passed away a little over three years ago from cancer. I, too, can think of questions I wish I would have asked my mom about her family when she was living.
    Thank you for sharing about your mom.
    Kathryn

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  3. Hi Judith,

    Thank you for your kind words regarding my post. Blogging is a great way to face your feelings!

    Genealogy does keep us busy, I understand! I look forward to seeing more on your food blog too, when you have time!



    Hi Kathryn,

    Thank you for commenting and sharing about your mom. Things we could have, or should have done are in the past, hopefully you have some great memories as I do. For now we move forward, but maybe this will help others in realizing they need to ask questions while they can! This may be the first and foremost thing I work on in my genealogy, get information from those that are with us while we can!

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  4. Well, some of us grew up respectable. ;) Sis, did you ever tell mom you wanted to ask her questions? Did you ever try to ask the questions? or did it never really come up? Sometimes I wonder if she would have told us more if we'd only asked, directly. But she always seemed to hold things so close, I think I felt I was impinging on her privacy or something. So never asked.

    Funny, now with some hindsight, I almost think she would have responded better to direct questions, esp. knowing she was dying... I wonder, did we miss an oppty?

    is this a good topic for genealogy people like yourselves? eg, when do you push ahead, ask questions, when do you back away, how do you not miss a good opportunity, avoid regret, etc etc?

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  5. Hi Keeg's Mom (sis),

    As genealogists, we always want to find the answers and ask questions, as much as possible! Of course we are respectful in doing so.

    As far as mom goes, no I never said to her that I wanted to ask her questions. As private as she was, I always felt I would be intruding on her privacy. I did however keep my ears open for a possible opportunity to jump in with a question. As much time as I spent with her the last year, the opportunity never really arose for anything like that. I personally feel if she wanted me/us to know something she would have told me/us. I think she was content going to her grave keeping those things with her, as she felt we didn't need to know, and, some things, she may not have been to proud of.

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